Needy is Not Hot

We are talking about relationships. What is it in your life that you love that you haven't done in a while? If you are in a relationship with someone, this is something I tell my clients all the time about their relationships: "Needy is not hot." Remember this. Being needy with someone and needing their attention all the time is not sexy. What is sexy is you having your own stuff that you are passionate about, interested in, and participating in yourself.


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When_you_let_go__you_will_begin_to_get_signs_that_the_universe_has_it_covered..jpgMy friend, Cindi, shared a story about test driving a Tesla with a group we are in that studies the teachings of Abraham and Law of Attraction. I had never heard of a Tesla, but apparently it goes from 0-60 in about 3 seconds which was pretty amazing for her. She also shared that it has autopilot. So, as she's test driving in Kansas City traffic, they tell her to push a button and take her hands off the wheel. Of course, she's scared at first, so as she lets go of the wheel, her hands hover over the wheel. Very quickly though, the car gives indication that it knows what it is doing, that it is in charge. Before long she was sitting with her hands in her lap, feet off the pedals and the car was doing all the work.


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Being Grateful for Triggers

Get_clear_about_what_you_want___who_you_have_to_be_to_get_it..jpgI listen to a lot of Abraham (Abraham Hicks or Esther Hicks). Abraham always talks about "getting grateful for contrast." Being grateful for the things that don't seem to be going so well. In my work, I have clients (and myself) on the hook to pay attention to what triggers us, the things that hijack our brains and send us into a tizzy. We look for those things.


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One thing I'm grateful for is that I am very willing to be coached. My ego may not like it or want to do what my coach asks, but I say yes to the coaching anyway. Here's why: I've been doing this kind of work and have had a mentor, sponsor, or coach since I was 19 years old. When my coach tells me or asks me to do something, I just do it. I want to encourage you to be willing to see something differently.

My daughter and I can go back and fourth over cleaning her room. I am a tidy guy and I like things to be neat. My daughter is the opposite. She can have everything all over the floor so you can barely walk through the room and that is just fine with her. I was talking to my coach about my angst about the mess in her room and how it irritates the crud out of me every time I pass her room. My coach says, "Why don't you just shut the door?" I tried arguing first and said, "Don't you think I've tried that? I shut it and ask her to shut it, but she keeps leaving it open." My coach then asked, "What does it mean that the door is open?"

Now, I "know" that it doesn't mean a thing except that the door is open, but my ego is right there wanting to answer, "It means she doesn't respect me, it means she doesn't give a darn, and on and on." That is my ego, my SMALL, my argument right there. Now, I'm not wasting my coach's time with that because I know it's just what I'm making up about it, but the inclination and the drama is there. So when my coach asks the question, what I actually say somewhat sheepishly is, "it means the door is open." She asked again and I said it more powerfully. The more I say it and trust my coach, the more true it feels to me.

So for a few weeks, I've been practicing. The door is just open. I can close it if I want. For you it might be that your spouse's shoes are on the floor, your kid's door is open. It doesn't mean anything else. The more you are willing to say it, remember it, and affirm it, the less ego can get a hold of you and give you all that story that it really means something else.

Once you get willing to shift your perspective, that is when the magic happens. For the last week, my daughter has been shutting her door. That is because I stopped giving a damn. This is what I'm talking about in the book when I say what you resist persists. This is what it means when you are attached to something. When I am attached to her having her door shut and I am so frustrated and irritated and have all this energy and resistance going on. As long as I'm in that place, the door remains open and I have to shut it over and over again. Over the last few weeks of practicing it just means the door open. Shut the door. Now she's shutting it on her own because I stopped making such a big deal and resisting it. 

What it took was a willingness to listen to my coach, a willingness to see something else possible. Is there an area in your life that could use willingness to see it differently or hear it differently? What could that make possible? Give it some thought.


This week is about resistance. Particularly, the resistance you create between getting what you want, that thing you are trying to manifest or fulfill on, and it actually being created. Some of the biggest resistance is you making yourself or the situation at hand wrong. Here's the deal: When you are playing a big game you will stretch yourself. We live in an expansive universe. You are an expansive person. As you start to play a bigger and bigger game, you expand yourself. When you expand like that, it is uncomfortable. As you start to feel that discomfort, many people make that mean that they are not on the right path, or that they are not doing it right or that something is wrong. 

There is nothing wrong here. When you are playing a big game and you are stretching yourself and you have uncomfortable days it doesn't mean anything. It just means that you are playing a big game and you are uncomfortable. You are doing stuff you've never done before. You are taking risks and challenging yourself. That is FANTASTIC.

What we do as humans, is we have a tendency to think, "Oh my God, I'm uncomfortable, I must be doing it wrong!" Then we should on ourselves & make ourselves wrong, and that causes resistance. That resistance is keeping you from manifesting what you want. You making yourself wrong or judging how things are going as bad is one of the biggest barriers to creating what you want. 

No matter what is going on, it's ok. It is how it is and probably how it is supposed to be. Regardless, what is happening IS what is happening. If you are making what is happening wrong then you are messing with yourself. Get grounded in the reality that sometimes when you are playing a big game, you will feel uncomfortable. If you can just be with that, and give up making it wrong it will make all the difference in the world. Look for where you are making yourself, the situation, or other people wrong. If you can give it up, it will make something else possible. You can see new possibilities when you give up making yourself, your situation, or other people wrong.



Valentines Day is coming up and I lead a couples course on Monday. I thought I'd share with you part of the premise of that course and a quote I share with couples when I perform their marriage ceremonies. I am a licensed reverend and I perform ceremonies for people every once in a while. I always ask them to consider this quote from Abraham:

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Your Business

What_other_people_think_of_you_is_none_of_your_business_(1).jpgToday's Topic: What other people think of you is none of your business. I think I first heard it from Byron Katie, but this statement or some variation is all over the place in the personal development world for good reason. I was exploring this with a client this week. How much time can we spend (waste) as human beings worrying about what other people think or worrying if we did the right thing?



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Winks from the Universe

One of the intentions I'm setting for the year is to be really conscious when I get winks from the universe. I notice them sometimes. You probably do, too. Some people would call it synchronicity - or synchro-NICE-ity. If you pay attention, you'll find validation or guidance from the universe.

Hey!.jpgHere is a kind of silly example. I shared previously that my word for the year is shameless. Shameless about being happy, joyous, spiritual & just being who I am. For me, things like a "word for the year" don't always come to me in strong, definite ways. When the idea of "shameless" came up I thought it sounded pretty good, so I was mulling it over - feeling it out. That night I was watching TV and picked up my phone to scroll through the Facebook. A friend of mine posts that she is on a plane next to Harry Hamlin. Now, I'm not someone who spends much time on Facebook, so it was odd for me to even see or notice a post like that and take an interest in it. I say to my wife, "Hey, our friend is on a plane with Harry Hamlin." My wife asks me who that is. Normally I wouldn't have bothered, but I decided to look him up to show her. I scroll through a bunch of his pictures and find the one I'm going to show her. I click on the photo and right underneath his photo is the word "shameless." Now that is what I mean by a wink from the universe. I started flipping through all the other images and none of the others had the word shameless. Because I am intending to, I noticed it. 

When I first hurt my hip, I had been given the name of a physical therapist that does a certain type of healing I'd always wanted to check out. I had the thought that I should do it, but I didn't. Finally, when my hip was messed up I went to her. Had I really been listening and paying attention to the feeling I'd have seen her before it got so bad. I'd been given her information from 3 different people. If someones name comes up 3 times or something keeps appearing around you pay attention. 

So pay attention to the winks. They are something positive, but that you can miss. I invite you to join me in setting an intention to pay attention to those winks from the universe. They will guide and fill you up.

Clarity & Integrity: Manifesting Master Tools

We've been talking about you choosing a word for the year. Hopefully you've done that, you have a theme, you've collaged it or created a vision board. This talk is about two words I think are fundamental for manifesting what you want in your life: clarity and integrity. To me, clarity is about being completely clear what you want. It's one of the 7 steps in my book, get clear about what you want and ask for it. We want to put out into the world what we want. If you are feeling less than 100% clear, what brings clarity is action. You see something you might want - start taking action toward it. The more you move toward it, the clearer it becomes.

Get_clear_about_what_you_want___who_you_have_to_be_to_get_it..jpgThe other piece around clarity relates to belief. I have an amazing job. I get to be a co-creator with my clients.They are out there creating absolutely phenomenal things. I have 10-15 private clients who I get to co-create and manifest all kinds of different things with. Now, some of my clients manifest faster than others. The ones who manifest the fastest do so because they believe it. They have a crystal clear vision that they believe in 100%. No one could talk them out of it. There is not a doubt in their minds. I am working with a young woman right now who is manifesting a school. She has such powerful belief. Her clarity is intense and it is happening so fast. It is like a thrill ride working on it. What's there is that belief. The absolute, crystal clear clarity.

Now, once you have the clarity, you can't manifest it without integrity. By integrity I mean you getting your authentic self aligned with who you need to be to have the thing you want in your life. For example, with the client opening the school, if she is going to be the executive director of this school, who does she have to be? What does she need to get in integrity in her life so that she is showing up as that person right now?

Clarity and integrity. Ponder that this week. What is missing around clarity? Is belief missing? If it is, work on figuring out how to gain that confidence in yourself and your vision. If you have clarity, then what do you need to do to get into integrity? How can you align yourself with that vision for your life. I pondered that myself this week in meditation and I'm clear that those two things are key to manifesting what you what in your life. 

What's Your New Year's Evolution?

Have you set a word or theme for the year? If you haven't, do. If you have, let's be sure you are keeping it alive.


My word for the year is shameless. For me, that means without shame. I've been doing some shadow work for myself in the past few months. Just when you think you're all done something else shows up. We are never done. That's what this journey is about. Continuing to clear out anything that is in your way. Shameless to me is about moving forward without shame. Also, it's about being shamelessly happy, shamelessly joyful, and shamelessly into all the things I'm into. The spiritual work I do. The love I have for people. Every once in a while it comes up for me that it's just not "cool" being a spiritual dude. I've had to deal with myself about that. This year is about me being shameless about that.

If you don't have a word, I encourage you to choose one. My friend Cheryl Miller ( is a coach who says, "don't set a new year's resolution, set an "evolution." What word for you would call you to evolve in the coming year? I invite you to consider that. Then, I invite you to meditate on and think about with that word alive and real in your life, what could be possible this year? Then I invite you to collage it. I have my clients working on their vision boards for the year. What I encourage you to do is to consider the word for the year and all that would make possible. Then sit down & tear out pictures from magazines that inspire you and remind you of that vision. Collage or arrange them in a vision board so you are looking at them all year. It will keep you present to it. If you choose a word or theme and do nothing to keep it present for you, you'll go unconscious. We are human. That's what we do. So pick a word. Something that has you evolve this year. Collage it. Put it up in your room or office.