Willingness

One thing I'm grateful for is that I am very willing to be coached. My ego may not like it or want to do what my coach asks, but I say yes to the coaching anyway. Here's why: I've been doing this kind of work and have had a mentor, sponsor, or coach since I was 19 years old. When my coach tells me or asks me to do something, I just do it. I want to encourage you to be willing to see something differently.

My daughter and I can go back and fourth over cleaning her room. I am a tidy guy and I like things to be neat. My daughter is the opposite. She can have everything all over the floor so you can barely walk through the room and that is just fine with her. I was talking to my coach about my angst about the mess in her room and how it irritates the crud out of me every time I pass her room. My coach says, "Why don't you just shut the door?" I tried arguing first and said, "Don't you think I've tried that? I shut it and ask her to shut it, but she keeps leaving it open." My coach then asked, "What does it mean that the door is open?"

Now, I "know" that it doesn't mean a thing except that the door is open, but my ego is right there wanting to answer, "It means she doesn't respect me, it means she doesn't give a darn, and on and on." That is my ego, my SMALL, my argument right there. Now, I'm not wasting my coach's time with that because I know it's just what I'm making up about it, but the inclination and the drama is there. So when my coach asks the question, what I actually say somewhat sheepishly is, "it means the door is open." She asked again and I said it more powerfully. The more I say it and trust my coach, the more true it feels to me.

So for a few weeks, I've been practicing. The door is just open. I can close it if I want. For you it might be that your spouse's shoes are on the floor, your kid's door is open. It doesn't mean anything else. The more you are willing to say it, remember it, and affirm it, the less ego can get a hold of you and give you all that story that it really means something else.

Once you get willing to shift your perspective, that is when the magic happens. For the last week, my daughter has been shutting her door. That is because I stopped giving a damn. This is what I'm talking about in the book when I say what you resist persists. This is what it means when you are attached to something. When I am attached to her having her door shut and I am so frustrated and irritated and have all this energy and resistance going on. As long as I'm in that place, the door remains open and I have to shut it over and over again. Over the last few weeks of practicing it just means the door open. Shut the door. Now she's shutting it on her own because I stopped making such a big deal and resisting it. 

What it took was a willingness to listen to my coach, a willingness to see something else possible. Is there an area in your life that could use willingness to see it differently or hear it differently? What could that make possible? Give it some thought.

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